Staying Grounded on the Big Days
Summertime is full of celebrations. Very full. In my family, there’s no less than 10 birthdays (including my own), plus national holidays, and long trips across the country to visit loved ones. After the stay-at-home orders of 2020, many of us are ready to make up for lost time participating in even more gatherings.
These big days aren’t just meaningful ways to come together, play great music, and eat delicious food.
Oftentimes celebrations heap our emotional plates with loads of stimulation. Generally speaking, stimulation is anything that arouses our physiological and nervous systems. Loud noises, bright lights, connecting with people, and seeing new places can raise our arousal levels. For those of us who thrive with the usual routine, all this stimulation is like buckling our bodies, minds, and spirits into a rollercoaster ride.
When stimulation is high, it’s still possible to stay grounded. The key is to prepare for the stimulation ahead of time. A day or two ahead of the celebration, find a few minutes to make a game plan to attend to your needs.
Here are a few key questions to ask yourself:
How will I meet my basic needs?
“Hangry” isn’t just for kids! When we face hunger, fatigue, too much sun or too little water, our mood is sure to tank. When irritability increases, no matter how hopping the party may be, we’ll be heading for the door in a hurry.
Think through how you’ll meet your basic needs to eat, drink, relieve yourself, and to stay cool. Bring snacks and additional water if you’re not sure what the host will provide. Get sense of the space you’ll be partying in and keep an eye out for shade and a space where you can rest. Which brings us to the next preparation question…
What’s my plan to recharge?
Even the most extroverted party-goer needs a break. There’s no shame in stepping away from the fun for a few minutes. Take a walk around the block. Sit under a shady tree apart from the group. When I’m reaching my party limit, I like to take a few moments alone to journal what I’m noticing and feeling (and eating!) so I can return to calm and remember the fun later on.
Do I need to adjust any expectations?
It’s natural to have high hopes for a fun time, especially on big days that hold lots of history and meaning. Set your expectations too high, however, and you’re more likely to fall into disappointment. As you prepare to party, be honest about what you hope to experience. Will you be able to accept things as they are, not only as you want them to be?
A good way to normalize expectations is to boil down your hopes to their simplest form. For example, if you’re hosting a birthday party for a family member, think of the simplest way your hopes would be satisfied. Bonus points if your simple expectation is within your control.
Here’s what I mean: “I’d be satisfied by having people come to my house and eat birthday cake!” sounds much more realistic than “I’d be satisfied if every family member shows up on time, eats all the food, helps clean up from the party, and leaves promptly at 9pm!” The key is to keep it simple so your joy is not dependent on lots of things going perfectly right.
Lastly, when you’re shaping expectations, don’t forget to leave room for a little fun!
Am I open to spontaneity?
When we are grounded in mind, body, and spirit, we embody a flexible openness to what arises in the present moment. Allowing yourself time for preparation before the party starts helps you receive the unexpected parts of life with readiness and ease.
Go ahead and plan for a few unexpected things to happen. The burgers might get overcooked. The weather might not comply with your plans (per usual). Your kiddo might have a meltdown moment that requires your full attention. Life doesn’t ever go quite as we want, right? But don’t forget to account for the wonderfully unexpected, too! Your friend may bring a dish that tastes extra delicious. You may get to create a beautiful new memory with your family. And by asking yourself these questions ahead of time, you may be a bit more able to embrace it all while staying grounded.
Do yourself the enormous favor of preparation before the big days.
Your body, mind, and soul will thank you.
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